Adoption has been my greatest teacher. I was adopted at 5 days old. When I was born, my birth mother didn’t want to see or touch me. I imagine myself placed in a bassinet, barely touched by the busy nursing staff who, during the 70s, didn’t yet understand the critical importance of physical touch to child development—a concept we now know as attachment theory.
By the time I was 5 days old, I rarely cried. My adoptive mother, not understanding attachment theory, thought I was a great baby. But those early days began my lifelong dance with people-pleasing, a way to belong and feel safe. At that stage of development, it was quite literally a matter of survival. For an infant, belonging means food, shelter, love—and life itself.
My earliest memory is being alone in the crib—quiet, waiting. The world felt so big. I felt
vulnerable, afraid, isolated, and separate.
I don’t remember a specific moment when my parents sat me down to tell me I was adopted, because it was always part of my story. My mom often reminded me that I was a gift from God, and we were meant to be together. Yet, as I grew, I felt the tension of two opposing truths: I was loved, yet I was abandoned. I was cherished, yet a part of me felt not wanted, not enough, and unworthy.
These conflicting feelings didn’t sit quietly within me; they shaped how I moved through the world. I desperately wanted to be fully loved—by God, by my parents. But deep inside, I carried the weight of abandonment and the belief that I wasn’t enough.
As Susan David puts it, “Feelings show us what we need and where we are out of alignment
with our values.” For much of my life, however, my feelings didn’t act as a guiding light. They were in the driver’s seat, controlling my every move. I became a puppet to my emotions, and at times, I felt completely disconnected from my True Self. Yet, feelings have a way of not giving up. Their job is to show us the path to growth and healing. And if we try to ignore them, they only get louder.
A part of me worked tirelessly to manage these feelings by earning my love and value
externally. I did this by pleasing others and helping those worse off than me. In these behaviors, I numbed myself, pushing my own needs aside to honor and serve others. But no matter how much I gave, how much I helped, or how much I pleased, nothing ever filled the deep-seated longing I carried within. Learn more. Do more. Please more. Each effort left me empty, craving what I truly needed but could not find externally.
My inner wisdom, my intuition, never left me. It whispered, nudged, and at times shouted,
“There is more for you.” “These feelings are not who you truly are.” After my divorce at 33, I allowed myself, for the first time, to sit with my emotions without numbing distractions. Alone, I began to face the feelings I had pushed away for years. It was terrifying, yet liberating. I turned inward to see, hear, feel, and understand my emotions.
That is when everything began to shift. I got quiet. I listened. I felt. Slowly, the spiraling feelings began to soften, revealing the path to truth. What I needed to heal was not out there. It was within. I realized I am not my feelings. I am loved, worthy, valued, enough. I began to listen to how I spoke to myself, and I changed it. I started a loving relationship with myself, filled with self-love, forgiveness, and acceptance.
Invaluable Lessons Learned:
1. I am not my trauma. My experiences shaped me, but they do not define me.
2. I am not my limiting beliefs. What I was running from held the answers to what I was
seeking.
3. True healing comes from within. The love, worth, and value I spent years seeking
outside were always within me.
Seeing, hearing, and understanding myself has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. It’s ironic, considering I spend the most time with myself! But for so long, I didn’t put myself first. This journey of self-trust, of putting my needs at the forefront, has been a constant learning process. It’s my life’s work to anchor into my True Self, processing the trauma, beliefs, and feelings that help me grow into who I’m meant to be.
Time alone, paired with the practice of holistic energy healing techniques—most profoundly, ThetaHealing—has brought me deep trust, healing, and connection to my True Self. Yet, I also recognize that we are not meant to walk this journey alone. Some wounds are too deep, too protected for us to find on our own. In working with skilled energy healers, I’ve deepened my journey and found clarity, confidence, and truth with divine synergy.
This journey has sparked my purpose: to light the way for others. You don’t have to do this
alone. You are not alone. Together, we can transform your feelings into your greatest teachers, illuminating the path to growth and self-discovery. With this inner presence of grounded peace and confidence, you will align with your intuition and step into your true life’s purpose.
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